Friday, December 3, 2010
Resource Board
We have had a little success with this, but I want more. I think a very good means to an end from here is to hear from addicts, hear thier stories so that others can learn from our expierances. I cant fill this page myself, so I hope other will start adding, and thank you sonya for everything you posted and you as well Rhonda
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Well, I guess I will start the post. I am not real sure what I should add, but I am just going for it. So here it goes: (LONG STORY)
ReplyDeleteI am a recovering opiate addict. I have had a say, 12 or so year addiction. It started with having a car accident in 89. I liked how I felt when I was on it, but didn't use it again until 91, when I had my first (of 26) surgeries-c section. Then I had several other surgeries. I never stood a chance to NOT be addicted. I am about to have my 26th surgery on Dec. 22nd.
I was finally at my end in October 2008. I was taking 15 5mg pills at ONE TIME, 3 TIMES per day. I couldn't keep my addiction up. I had a big front earlier, that I could not pay for. I had NO esteem. NO love. NO respect for myself. I wanted it ALL to end. I felt as tho I was WAY too much of a burden to my family (they all say I wasn't but I am not stupid). I had tried several times in the previous 2-3 years to get rid of the burden for everyone. It never worked! Finally, in October 08, I went in to ER to get help (St. Mary's--not the best place to go). They told me my life was not worth saving. Therefore, I did not get the help I needed. WOW. On November 2nd, I did it again. This time, I really was close. I tried to kill myself. I do not recall the first two weeks of this incident. I was in ICU for some time. Then I was put on the floor, then sent to Yakima to a psychiatric hospital. I was there for 2 weeks. I DEMANDED that I go to Eastern State. If I didn't, I would make damn sure that I would keep trying until I succeeded. So, I went to Eastern. It was very hard to be there. I saw so much. I saw fights ending with blood. I saw women being tackled because of their fit-throwing while being psychotic. It was AWFUL! I wouldn't recommend it, but it DID save my life. It made me realize that I MYSELF, saved my life. I had to make the choices TO do it. But it took a LOT to make me see that I had to be accountable, and really get REAL with myself. I was there for 8 LONG months. I got out in June of 09. LONG ROAD. HARD RECOVERY.
I am going thru a lot in the last 4 months. I have had 2 different surgeries, and having a 3rd. I am on the opiates. This is an EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TIME for me. And I know it is for my family. I am so scared. But with me having been in the hospital and have learning skills and tools to stop myself, I think that I can make it.
For me, I am a believer in Jesus Christ. I know that there are many different beliefs, and I have NO problem with that, as whatever works for one, may not work for another. I feel that He carried me thru the rough times when I couldn't do it myself. So, my Christianity is one tool that I have to make it work.
I have many, many ideas and tools. If you want to know more, let me know. Otherwise, I am going to start a thread here for ideas, tools, and skills.
Just so y'all know, I DID make this the short version. If you want to know more about me and my recovery, feel free to contact me or go thru Rik to get a hold of me.
Thanks for reading!
Rhonda
When I went in to NA, I didn't find that it was working. I even tried going to a different group to be around different people, ones that did not act like they owned the place. Well, that didn't work either. I know that there are several different beliefs out there. Mine happens to be Christianity. That helped me so much. And it still does. Another thing I had to do, is admit to myself and others that I AM IN FACT an addict. Being accountable for my actions in EVERY way, is big for me. So now, if I want to lie, I cannot, for I know that there will be consequences.
ReplyDeleteI am an opiate addict. If there is anyone out here that would like some support specifically targeted on this alone, please contact me, or go thru Rik. I am here for you...
Rhonda-
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing and offering support.
A very close loved one of mine is facing this addiction. But if you ask him he "isn't addicted, he does like the feeling but he is legitimately in pain." When you spend an excess of money that you know you don't have because your prescription doesn't last but a few days, AND you feel bad for spending the money... When you lost access to all financial accounts and facing the loss of everything .... I would say there is a problem.
I am trying hard to not through my arms up in the air and walk away. I understand that everyone has their own reason for the things they do and their own way of responding to situations, but I just may call upon you from time to time as a sounding board, if that's okay.
Thanks again, I am sure we will be chatting again soon.